Love, Anxiety, and Autism: A Journey Through Reality and Perception

(Continuation of a story of marriage)

When Ancy got calm and just wanted her husband, Shyam to clean the floor, the doorbell rang. Ancy got tensed and horrified again and looked at Shyam with a blank mind. Shyam understood the reason for Ancy’s anxiety. Shyam told himself, – come on, it’s just a matter of 2 broken cups and he has to talk to the room service boy to clean it. But how to manage Ancy’s burst of emotion at this juncture that too so fast! The same amount of anxiety that Ancy was feeling thinking if someone would see and blame Ancy for spoiling the relationship now started accumulating in Shyam’s mind thinking about Ancy’s fear. He was clueless about what to do, how to calm down Ancy as fast as possible, and then go and open the door!

Shyam was in a dwindle, if I went and opened the door without cleaning the floor, Ancy would get another mental shock which is not good for her but if I went and cleaned the floor now, it would be too late, and the person who is waiting outside what will be his opinion about us! Now Shyam, in spite of being a coach who has guided hundreds of people to overcome such situations in life, now started sinking into confusion. It’s not a coaching session, not a coach-client conversation, now it’s real life.

The incessant flow of thoughts running inside Shyam’s mind was suddenly attacked now by the room bell again. Without looking at Ancy, Shyam took the move towards the door. But this was the harshest behavior Ancy could ever expect from Shyam. She suddenly jumped from the bed and was destined to hold Shyam back from opening the door.

“If you cannot clean the floor, I will do it myself” yelled Ancy holding Shyam’s hand and pulling him back. Shyam just looked at Ancy, smiled, and asked her to go back and sit on the bed as the broken glass pieces are too sharp and too dangerous. “And yes, I am just going to tell the room boy that we don’t need tea here, instead we will come to the poolside and bring and serve it there.”

Ancy smiled at Shyam and replied happily “I know how much you love me and you will never make me feel upset.” She went back and sat on the bed. But as soon as Shyam took the scraper and tried to collect the glass pieces, Ancy again ran near Shyam, snatched the scrapper from Shyam’s hand, and threw it away. “Shyam, sorry I told you to do it because you know I have severe back pain and I cannot bend and do this cleaning work and all. But I am afraid you may get hurt by any of these sharp edges. Better if we called the room service and told them what happened.

Shyam never expected such a change in Ancy’s mood, behavior, and actions so suddenly. Everything seemed unpredictable. The thing which he was so worried about, vanished in a moment.

With a sigh of relief when Shyam was about to stand up, the doorbell rang again and this time Ancy asked Shyam, should I order tea in a room or are we really going to the pool? By now, Shyam was perplexed in a way beyond his imagination. Without knowing what he wanted, Shyam told to tell the room service to arrange the tea near the pool.

Ancy ran near the door and told to arrange the tea near the pool and came back. Amidst the excitement of going to the pool with her husband, Ancy actually forgot to tell him to clean the glass pieces. Shyam was scared by the fast movement of Ancy as he knew about the delicate health condition of Ancy. But he didn’t want to stop her excitement and joy of the moment. Shyam now realised that, if the glass pieces are left unattended, at any moment there can be an accident or injury. So without telling anything to Ancy, he slowly took the scrapper again and told Ancy, “Let me gather all the broken pieces to one corner otherwise we may step on it. Ancy paid no attention to Shyam and she was in full excitement and getting dressed up to go to the pool. Shyam understood that Ancy had totally forgotten about the incident of broken glass, cleaning up, and all other drama and was now ready for the next adventure.

I think this is how a normal person’s mind too works. Let’s understand the mind’s drama here.

Scene one: Ancy – room service boy comes and seeing the broken glasses and laughing at Ancy and telling her – Hey Ancy madam, this is too rubbish of you to spoil the relationship with your husband on the second day of marriage itself . (This never happened in reality. But the scene is very vividly playing in Ancy’s mind.)

Scene two: Shyam – the room service boy calls from outside and waits for a long time. After that Shyam is going and opening the door and looking at the face of the boy. The boy looking at Shyam in a sarcastic way and says – hmm. Hmm.. I understand you are a newly married couple but it’s too late now and also sir, your wife is not a normal girl like others and has so many health issues, at least think of that! You should get up at least at 8 AM. (This also never happened in reality but the scenes are vividly playing inside Shyam’s mind)

SceneThree: Ancy – Shyam is cleaning the glass pieces with his bare hand and one glass piece suddenly inters into his palm and bleeding started in Shyam’s palm. (This never happened in reality)

Scene Four: Shyam – Ancy is running inside the room with excitement and steps on a broken glass piece and she is falling on the ground, Shyam calls the ambulance and takes her to hospital. (This never happened in reality)

So all this mind drama goes on even for a normal person, an autistic child, the parents, the coach and every human being around us.

If you think that this is important to take precautions, I 100% agree with you. But at the same time, when you differentiate reality from mind drama, you will know exactly what is required to be done to deal with any situation in life. To be aware of the drama and reality, it’s a continuous process, continuous thoughts, and continuous awareness.

This article is just to give you an idea of what is the 2 different aspects of our life – reality and drama. Let’s be aware of the drama but live the real life. Its journey is simple, slow, and calm.

But the result is far beyond your imagination.

The paths are scary, but the fruits are beyond any taste even in your wild dreams. The fear is huge but your coach is far stronger than your fear.

Be on the journey with me and discover the roads to a new dimension of your most, most, most important part of your life.

With love

Sarat